When you run enough, and the mileage really starts to stack up, you get a little stoic about the obstacles. The uphill runs don’t freak you out like they used to. It takes a lot more to intimidate you. There’s a numbness that comes from experience. I used to see a big hill on the horizon and start to stress. I would spend my entire approach psyching myself up for the impending climb. These days I don’t really pay attention to elevation when I plan routes. At this point I just take what the course gives me. The goal is really all that matters.
Hills, intersections, rough terrain; none of those ever change the goal. If I’m out on a run and there is a hill between me and the finish line it’s not like I’m not going to run it. So if you’re going to have to run through it either way then why get stressed? It doesn’t change anything.
Most days I now see I steep climb on the horizon and think, ‘oh that one’s gonna be tough,’ and just as quickly go back to whatever was on my mind. Nothing changes, I still have to move forward. I’ll deal with the climb when I get to the hill.
This is very much where I’m at with my chronic depression.
More and more I’m finding that every good day I have is earned. I either put in an exhausting amount of work ahead of time or I pay for it the next day – either way a good day comes with a cost.
Yesterday was the best day I have had in weeks. It seemed like everything was going well. I had some hard depression but could push through it. I cruised through my long task list quickly and started working on the next day’s projects. I was eating right, feeling healthy – I was spinning all the plates I needed to. I got to the end of the day and was so grateful for what I had been given.
Today I’m ‘sore’ and paying for it. The depression is back and consuming me. I’m earning yesterday.
Every downhill requires an uphill. You either go uphill first and appreciate the downhill more or you go downhill first and save your energy for the inevitable climb.
I’m uphill today because I was downhill yesterday. So I just settle into my pace, climb the climb and remember how great the downhill was yesterday.
Enjoy this article? Please tell a friend.
If you liked this or any articles on the site, recommending Sad Runner to your friends is one of the highest compliments you can give.
The more people know about Sad Runner, the more we can share our message that a depression diagnosis does not have to be the end of the story.